Nov. 13th, 2011

The depression is pretty bad.

I posted an invite to do a thing - free tickets, easy to get to, short notice. No-one replied, not even to say 'I can't', 'wrong time for me' or 'I hate doing that, but you have fun'.

I stayed up all night, I do anyway some nights, but this night felt a bit like waiting for some kind of reply.
In the end, I collapsed just when it was time to go to the venue. I slept for about four or five hours. If I'd fallen asleep - if I had gone to bed during the night, or even as soon as it was morning - I could have maybe been awake for going to see the thing.
But I did not want to go alone.

So I stayed home and watched downloaded movies and television and played plants versus zombies and angry birds and high times and gemcraft -- all small in-browser 'casual games'.
And fell asleep when it was time to go out and slept through when it would have been.

And now I am hungry and it's four in the morning and I have been out to the shop - so glad I live near shops that are open until after midnight - and I have eaten biscuits. I meant to make food. I bought things to make food *with*.

Possibly I should look at how I feel: I feel lonely.
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Sometimes I am just astonished that I have made it past age thirty.
pondering the romanesco cauliflower - I shall sunder it into florettes, and then - do I fry it as is, or coat in egg, then breadcrumbs, then fry? Or egg and flour?

I am tending to divide the florettes in two and bread hald and fry the other half uncoated.

But that multiplies washing up, which is worse than multiplying entities, because dishes HAVE to be washed up.



November 2011

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